r u happy..?

sorry to ... .. n, happy birthday.. im really sorry..
sorry to yy..
sorry to hm..

was sorry abt wat happened on thurs.. i noe how u felt.. really.. i was at fault.. bt i didnt mean it..
was looking at e photos of grace, u, van.. suddenly had a thought.. do u feel happy being with me..?
i think van was happy being with her.. i think she thinks that she had chosen e right side.. at least she seemed happy..
u were not happy those few wks.. ever since it happened.. although i don really noe wat had happened.. i haven seen u laughing as freely as b4 for those days.. i think i should noe e reason.. bt im afraid its not wat i thought.. its not so simple..
well, wat i wanted to say is.. if u think u have chosen e wrong side, which i think u had.. its time for u to change side.. if u say i had posed u in a difficult position, i wan to say i don wan to care for someone hus not worth it.. if u say is cos of me u cant go back to wat u wan to chose, cos u have chosen wat u have chosen.. then wat can i say.. how sad.. watever u wan to do, is not going to affect me, i can walk alone.. i can for so many yrs.. i can now..
y r all tis happening.. hello, we r sec 4.. wat hav i done wrong that i hav to face n deal with all those immaturity every now n then.. i was at fault? of wat? for caring e wrong person? for being a busybody? do i hav to apologise for that? now then i noe.. how stupid..
i really felt that u wan to go n sit with van.. back to e life u used to hav with them.. im fine.. im not stopping u anyway.. anytime u like.. really..
well, if e fault still lies with me.. jus forget that i existed.. alrite, im sorry for my existence ok.. sorry for u having to bear with it.. anyway, its only half a yr left..
ive nv wanted things to become like tis.. i swear.. y is life so difficult.. mayb e life of only me n dj is better.. only e two of us.. being anti-social.. no quarrels, no backstabbing, no choosing of sides.. only u n me..
do i hav to change anything of myself? ya, mayb.. don care so much for e anything not worth it.. change my focus to syf, studies, n most imptly in student correspondent.. i started doubting on e extent that one should care for a fren..
wat i can do so that u would forgive me? i really don wan u to b angry.. for we had went through so many things together.. i missed e time when we chatted in class.. bt i noe i cant stop u in doing anything.. including e sides u wan to chose..
though i still regrets on wat had happened on thurs morning.. im really sorry, i would do anything u wan to compensate u if u wish.. bt thats really how i felt.. anyway.. am i right..? answer me..
could somebody jus lend me a shoulder..? jus for a while..

sph.. my new home..

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

went to sph today for tian ying 1st meeting.. though no. of ppl decreased by half, im happy that e ones hu came today still bond as one grp..
one of our grp leader hs told us histories of tian ying.. i hope that our grp wont hav somebody like that.. can c that everyone in our grp hates that kind of backstabbers..

after that we went junction 8 kfc to hav dinner.. 7 of us.. it was fun.. we were sharing jokes for e whole of one hr plus.. haha..

anyway.. think that our seniors n leaders v kind n friendly.. chatted with us for quite a long time.. i was happy to b in tian ying.. to join e big family of tian ying..
e whole thing has jus started.. gd shows r still behind e curtains..

will i regret..?

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

sat was e last day of orientation at sph.. it was so memorable.. i felt so sad..
anyway i skipped a lot of other activity like i was supposed to go co n syf is coming, should attend e hsk lesson n it is two wks later, there was an audition scheduled, n huang cheng ye yun was on sat nite which i wished i could go.. so many important things i should attend that clashed together..
i pondered for a long while n it was a difficult decision to make.. how i wished i could divide myself so that i could attend everything.. every one was my dream.. even co.. yes.. bt in e end i chose sph as i considered student correspondent as top priority, i dreamt for so long to b one of them..
so sorry to co.. i wanted to do well in e syf, n of cos in e hsk.. i noe i promised my sis to go for e audition n hm to go for huang cheng.. im sorry.. i regret for not going to any one of them.. bt i think i will regret even more if i didnt go for last day of camp..
cos there was a mock press conference that day.. it was so professional.. though it was our 1st time attending we did a gd job.. n outdoor game in e afternoon.. i think games was e best method to bind everyone together.. n guess wat.. we were e 1st to reach sph.. i was so proud to b in tianying.. oso, there was a wan hui on that evening.. i love e mass dance, i love wilbur pans wu ha.. haha.. it jus roxz..
n in e end, we got e best grp award, tian ying was e best grp.. we rock.. haha.. im so proud of tian ying ppl..
on e 1st day, i was so disappointed on e grp i was in.. bt now, i was honoured to b in e grp of tian ying, i love tian ying ppl, cos we simply rocks.. haha.. thanks to our grp leader, thanks to e organisers, thanks to lian he xue sheng tong xun ju le bu..
anyway, i think i will always rmb e camp, e parts when we were together.. at pulau ubin, where we sat at e rd table n ate like family.. e times we cheered.. at e mass dance, we kept repeating 'haha'.. e practice for talentime, e two chiobus of our grp, gx n jn.. at e outdoor game, how bonded we were.. at e moment when we won e best grp.. after e wan hui, when we hugged each other..
i was proud to noe e enthu ppl from my grp..
my dear frenz from tian ying.. mj (pretty fren from pcss), sm (bright n lively fren), fd (nice fren), zh (sweet roc from rgs), gx (cute n sweet fren from kc), wd, zw, yy, ll, jn (chiobu no.1), dj (looked like our yi jia zhi zhu from chinese high), gx (chiobu no.2).. n of cos our grp leaders.. hs, lz, cx, qq.. wish u guys sweet dreams..
thanks for being in my life..
looking forward to meeting u guys on 25th march n 9th april..

three cheers n three cheers n three cheers for tian ying
ohm-ah-ah-ah, ohm-ah-ah-ah, ohm-ah-ah-ah, oleh-oleh-ah,
tian ying tian ying wo ai ni, tian ying tian ying ni zui bang..
may e spirit of tian ying stays..

btw.. forgot to mention a guy from rui ying.. i like his eyes.. admire e way he is.. haha.. bt didnt hav e chance to noe him.. he wasnt at e wan hui on e last nite.. sad eh.. still rmb when at e pulau ubin, at xia chi..
today is sch reopen.. hope eveything will b fine.. though e whole holiday was packed n didnt do anything.. hai..

could it come true..?

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

today was 6E de class gathering.. i wanted to go so much.. bt i got orientation camp for student correspondent.. bt i not sad at all, cos today was fun at pulau ubin..
today really fun leh.. cos nv been to pulau ubin b4 then v excited.. went there by sea.. jus feel excited cos.. 1st time there la huh.. haha.. then tried interviewing other ppl which we dunno for e 1st time.. so cool manx.. n after that we went junction 8 attend e you hua jiu shuo live recording xian chang lu ying.. there was a guy which we agreed that hes disgusting.. yuckx.. anyway e whole thing was nice.. n i got xu zhen rong signature.. haha.. we think he looks better in real life than tv..
btw.. i dreamt of ... today.. e dream was sweet.. hehe.. though i noe its jus a dream.. bt i really liked e feeling.. haha.. anyone noes wats e percentage for a dream to come true? hope that its high.. haha.. cos it was really a sweet dream that i liked so much.. omg..
jus hope that someday.. hehe.. (kou shui dou liu chu lai le.. stop it la u disgusting..)

finally..

sorry to..
sorry to yy.. so that i can always rmb my mistake..

tis wk everydays full.. no time to study except for nites.. got 4 days co, orientation camp for student correspondent.. yup.. i finally got in.. hoorray.. they called me only on sat nite.. anyway.. gd news.. hehe..
tmr is e day of e camp.. looking forward to it.. i wonder wat grp ill b in..
n today will b e exchage programme with woodgrove sec..
btw.. mon went shopping with cy.. we went bugis n orchard.. didnt buy much.. after that we went parkway to hav dinner.. chatted for a few hrs lidat..
ytd oso got co sec one orientation.. e games were boring cos some were copied directly from e sec three camp.. they didnt noe how to make it fun so e whole thing sucks..

y not me.. again..

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

common test finally finished ytd.. haha.. today we were e only class not having test today.. cos we re pure lit class.. haha..
ya.. n finally made an improvement on c lit.. he got e same mark as me.. hehe..
btw.. mon there was i on bus 31.. then at parkway a guy come up.. n haha.. he sat beside me.. omg he was really shuai loh.. mayb not to that v much extent la.. but his hairstyle rox lo.. haha.. highlighted silvery white.. super nice.. n he was wearing white.. v tall oso.. haha.. too bad he alighted at bedok.. he v much of dx style manx.. omg.. v shuai leh.. haha.. stupid me.. he must hav a gf oready.. so me jus looking ard la k..
n last fri was e national chinese debate held in our sch.. i was e mc.. felt v sehr bt v hot cos need to wear tie.. n i was nervous that i read one of e ahs girls name wrongly.. im so sorry.. bt i think e 3rd one from coral is quite gd.. looks not bad.. is a girl.. likes e way she presents.. haha..
today was thinking.. n realised that y am i always fail in everything.. life isnt fair.. i always don get wat i wan.. ever since i came into cchms.. where was wrong.. i cant figure it out.. i got my height, got a few frens, got e sch i wanted.. bt i don like e way of me presenting myself.. sounds weired.. i don get into any auditions nor interviews.. be it e talentimes, sports day, debate, student corespondent, chinese comps, even co comm, ccs comm, always got rejected.. am i really that incapable that i don excel in anything? nothing im gd at.. even theres only two persons in cello i oso don get e post higher jus cos i don learn that long, mayb that sounds unfair to her.. got into e story telling jus cos there no one to take part n i was in sch.. sounds so stupid.. i was only a subst to everything, i got it jus cos no one wanted or wanted to b.. i cant believe that i even lose to such sucky ppl hu can get into e co comm when i was out.. lose to that bitch in ccs.. lost all e comp in last yr july n aug.. lost ytd interview.. lost everything.. except my mum n dad..
everything is my fault.. cos of me ring was stolen, cos im a girl bro was born, cos of me we came here, cos of me move hse, cos of me u need undergo operation, everythings is cos of me n is my fault.. ya blames everything on me..
wat for im born..? to b e loser so that someone wins..? do u think u noe me now as responsible is going to help me? i don giv a damn.. u think ure so great? don b stupid i tell u.. i jus wanted to... pls..
now e only thing i don wan lose is gold in syf n tjc..
can i.. borrow a shoulder..? pls.. jus for a while..

cant wait for that day..

sorry to ... .. i felt sorry.. get well soon.. :)
sorry to yy..

today was quite sad that zao bao didnt ask me for interview.. bt they called me in e afternoon that i should be there n i wasnt.. thank god they bothered to call again.. n informed me for another interview time.. phew.. wat a relief..
ytd went to tm to eat at an american restaurant which e food wasnt really worth e price paid lah.. n think i wont visit there again.. quite ex..
n sth that a forgot to mention on 26/2.. that morning went to co.. was raining so heavily that i got all wet.. n was at e locked front gate thinking that should i jus climb in.. then thanks to junhong that he help us (there was co member) open e gate.. then i did sth extremely stupid.. my forehead banged against gate.. omg damn embarrassing.. bt he didnt laugh at me bt asked whether im alrite.. haha.. thanks.. n on my way to e co rm a girl from band shared e umbrella with me n said if not ill fall sick.. was feeling really touched.. was a sec three girl n for e 1st time i changed my opinion for e younger generation.. a super sweet girl.. chao nice.. after that i stood under e aircon to dry myself.. bt didnt fall sick..
think thats all for today.. thanks a lot to huimei, for being in my life.. really thanks

six months more or six months left..

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

two mths passed.. failed a few tests n sec three syllabus was still in e air.. hai..
mon was e release of o level results.. some of those whom i expected to hav gd results turned out a bit unexpected whereas some of those hu got gd grades r whom i nv expected them to get such score.. like rl, dx, jk, gn.. yup..
anyway as for me.. gotten my o level chinese.. was such a relieve cos i thought that i might get an A2 bt in e end guess wat.. i got an A1.. phew.. or i might jus end up in e chung cheng lake.. btw our class ppl de reaction quite outstanding la.. as in e way they were in ecstacy.. over that piece of result slip.. like a great achievement..
oso begin to worry abt yr end o level.. though is still quite far bt time really passes b4 u noe it.. so many things to study will i b able to finish studying..?
oso got saw dx bt sadly is from a far dist.. think he became more handsome cos havent seen him for a long time.. missed him more those two days cos we r learning differentiation.. haha..
sat was quite a fun day oso.. hehe.. think e present was so nice that i wanted one myself.. haha.. he called to thank us.. glad that he sounded happy.. :)
sat oso went suntec to hav reunion dinner with my dad.. haha.. mc n hm.. quite sad that eve n hl wasnt able to join us.. anyway we hav an unspoken consensus that we all wore black n black sling bags..
ytd in sch attended e 1st mc enrichment course.. nth much abt that..
met my little bro outside lang room.. da hai.. he 'huh'ed v loudly for dunno wat reason.. haha..
btw thurs was my turn to tell a story during flag raising.. was quite nervous bt it turned out not bad.. according to mt..
co stopped practices for two wks for common tests.. a bit unwise cos syf jus ard e corner.. hope we can get a gold again tis yr..
anyway haven slept for e whole nite.. was trying to complete my ss mind map.. a bit paiseh to hand in so late, cos i was e ss rep.. haha..
time to prepare for sch le.. gd morning..