no use regretting la..

i hate human beings, sometimes.. including myself.. only starts to treasure when u lose it.. y cant u live life to its fullest..
like thinking of going to b late when having breakfast, things like tt, end up did not enjoy breakfast.. little things like tis doesnt matter bt larger things like dunno how to treasure e time when u with someone, is quite impt le rite.. only when u lose it then think of how gd ur were in memories.. wat for..?!
same thing applies to me.. reasons y i hate myself too..

i dunno..

finished reading, finally..
there r more things i noe.. yet feeling more lost..
theres nothing.. mayb there was no place for me..
bt y do i hav to care?
y do u hav to..?
i don wan to noe..

second time..

its e 2nd time i m crying for u.. feel honoured..? ha..
crying for? e story? tt day? for u? for me? or for e impossibility btw us..?

reading more n more jus stumble myself into a pool of sorrow.. i had enough.. bt i wan to learn how to sweep away sorrow..

omg, wat ive been doing..

was at east coast park last thurs, 22nd i guess.. was on e beach, picked up a small pebble tt i liked on 1st sight.. was holding it in my rite hand.. however, it was lost into e moving wave of sea water again in my attempt to pick up another one.. well, i regretted for e attempt, for i failed to get another one n yet i lost e previous one.. its like, i got nothing in e end.. i think tts e result of being greedy, n not noeing how to treasure wat u hav in ur hand.. it may b seemed as a trivial matter, bt when it is applied to e real world, i can tell u e feeling sucks.. hai..
here i am, dunno wat i ve been doing from march till now.. known him since march, though friendship not really tt deep.. took it for granted, then noes how foolish i am.. bt when i c it in another angle, u sure we re tt close..? if it is b4, there is a definite answer.. however, now im unsure it myself.. there r too much tt i did not noe or understood.. ive been feeling happy n fulfilled, bt r e feelings fake or jus out of imaginations..?
anyway, i dunno when it started, mayb on e 3rd day..? im not sure it myself.. if all tt didnt happen, will anything change?
N BTW WAT KIND OF REACTION IS TT?! NOTHING CHANGED B4 ANYONE SAID ANYTHING, YET EVERYTHING CHANGED AFTER TT.. WAT UVE BEEN UP TOO?! WAT HAV U BEEN DOING?! LIVE ON N ENJOYING URSELF IN SUCH A SELFISH WAY.. U DON FIT TO B HUMAN BEINGS..
hav i hurt someone in an in deliberate way? i dunno..
wat u get is wat u put in urself..
i finally realised tt there is one kind of ppl on e world tt everyone would like to get close to u without u putting much effort.. alrite mayb u did, bt e result is beyond.. i think tt must b ones personal x factors bah.. being easily accepted n welcomed by everyone..
is it true tt diff past encountered caused diff preference in ppl? no common interest or shared memories meant no friendship..? bt, i understood y he liked e song, finally..
well, wat r u still asking for? i don get u.. doesnt e present situation satisfy u.. jus go change e damn bloody attitude of urself manx..

i rmb everything tt i rmb, things by u.. sometimes i realise how irritating memory is..

miscellaneously..

after wat has happened today, i realised y not let e situation remain e same.. y wan to change anything bout it.. its futile.. y wait for humiliation to occour then realise.. c, now u cant get urself off stage n yet everyone is hurt.. well i said i hav a mind of my own, u shouldn b too greedy to try to change it.. n since we lost contact for so long, u think its going to help anything by caring for now.. its useless..
well, yet after i calm down n think, ive been v hostile.. anyway, nth helped n situation got worse.. more things r lined up to get cleared.. well, served u rite.. hu ask u to get urself into e mist.. stupid..

anyway.. quite a mess life ive led after os.. though there were really many things need to b done, such as diary, blog, packing up e books, newspapers, house chores, clearing up e room, read up etc.. yet most things i did was watching idol series.. r u sure u re going to make it to e alevel if u continue to rot like tis.. come on stop dreaming n y not go opt for a poly instead.. useless rubbish..

think im going to reconsider wat cca im going to get in after ytd.. such a shame.. enough of face thrown at co.. its time to go for another cca.. mayb sports..

well, there were oso enjoyable times led after os..

18th, rite after chem paper, went to tian tian huo guo xiao chu with part of 4 gr.. ate v long.. bt i think e time spent is memorable, though a bit ex..
19th, went shopping with nm n hl at bugis.. 1st time we 3 went shopping together since sec 1.. n i feel tt e neoprint taken was really not bad.. ha..
20th was family outing, went kbox n discovered tt jones songs hav been updated.. only left hai mei fong not there yet.. anyway, think his perf for beautiful world is superb.. i miss his live perf manx..
21st was shopping with joy for e 1st time.. went marina square..
23rd was finally e kbox session with hm, cy, n jh.. though there were ... ppl, bt it was still a fun day.. esp scared cy v nuch when we screamed for we c jones in beautiful world mv.. haha paiseh ar.. finally sang jones songs with hm.. we miss his live perf.. bt didnt manage to take neoprints..
25th was 6e outing at pasirris park.. then went ly hse.. watched 2 movies.. then played stupid games like e murderer, n millionaire.. haha, long time nv play oready, played for 4 hr plus bah.. thanks ly for providing her hse..
28th was e sec 4 graduation prom nite.. nth to talk abt.. its jus like a dinner n photograph taking session with half e cohort.. n he still handsome like hell.. haha..
29th was a v v memorable day.. we e olevel gang had dinner at sph.. wonderful moment we spent.. olevel jus ended like tt.. bt ive gained a lot frenship in tis period.. thanks for hm, cy, n jh for accompanying me thru os.. thanks lots..

tts then i cant rmb wat i did.. most of e time was at home watching idol series.. finished 2 series n a lot more on e list.. btw, he jun xiang roxs manx!! haha.. e way he smiles makes me feel like smiling too.. i like his expression a lot.. n yang cheng lin is gorgeous!! e mo zai shen bian roxs..

anyway, though os jus ended 3 wks ago, i felt as if it has ended mths ago, i dunno y bt i jus felt tt way.. 3 more mths to get e results.. i jus cant wait le.. for wat i rmb, i dunno wat grades im going to get.. hopefully not too bad.. sometimes i think i did ok, sometimes i think im going to flunk a lot of subs.. esp at time like now, v late at nites, i could not sleep n will start to think everything, anything..

like i doubted e feeling of liking someone.. how do u define if u like somebody.. it may not b wat u think as like, bt only dependent on one or jus looks tt u admire.. which is not like, rite..? n wat could b worse than when u could not find anyone to miss n to think of, well to tt extent..

alrite, time to stop brooding too much, n do sth meaningful..

last thing.. to lose in order to grow up, wat do u think..?