happy valentines day..

been living wat i define as meaningful life since last thurs.. went homeoysters hse on thurs, to spend our time worrying n anticipating os results together.. reached his hse at abt 6.. quite cosy, only thing is tt theres lacking A LOT of things.. took a look at his hse n rested for awhile, we set off to ntuc to buy food to cook.. basically ingredients for steamboat.. haha, yes, we finally had a steambaot, n its during cny period, gd.. took everything tt we wanted without calculating n e total bill came out to b 80 dollars!! were so shocked at e amt.. omg wat did we buy..
anyway, reached jh hse ard 9.. then started to prepare food.. took a lot of photos during e process.. btw, i wan to mention e clams ar, dunno whether is it called tis way, were to soak in water in order for it to vomit sand.. its pretty interesting when we played with tt.. though eventually we didnt get to eat them reason being we did not put them in e fridge n caused it to spoil.. n e smell really sucks..
honestly speaking, i dunno if they hav e same feeling as i do.. i felt like im doing tis with my family.. e feeling is cosy n sweet, jus like a few gd frens hav to depend on each other in a foreign country sth like tt.. its like we hav someone to depend on when we need them la.. e feeling tt really worth treasuring..
then abt 10 sth e dinner commences.. we sat ard e small table in front of e tv n start to cook using e steamboat.. many funny things clicked along.. then ahdu came back at later time n joined us for dinner.. we ate intermittently till 1 sth until we were really full.. then decided to take a walk downstairs b4 we fall asleep.. took e honey dew ice cream with us, n tt tasted v gd.. few interesting incidents happened on our trip to e parks.. made e nite really memorable.. think our footsteps was left ard large areas in tt neighbourhood..
abt 3 sth or 4 in e morning we went upstairs.. only jh continued to eat e leftover steamboat.. after he finished, we kept e rest into e fridge then started to talk.. nth v constructive bah i rmb.. bt is jus enjoyable halaing session, though they mainly consist of us panicking bout our results, bt when i think of tt now, our panicking seems funny somehow.. anyway, felt really scared n worried tt nite.. think is bcos chengshake mentioned bout xh bah.. then we suddenly become really scared.. we were jus lying ard at e sofa while i rmb jh n cy were sqeezing onto one small sofa.. haha..
anyway till abt its daylight we decided to take a quick nap.. quick, bcos none of us could really fall into deep sleep.. all really worried.. slept for abt 2 hrs plus, then woke up at 9 sth.. while we were still lying lazily ard, chengshake was e only one hu didnt really sleep bah i guess.. he was reading some comic or books to keep himself away from e thought of having to noe e results..
after tt, took turns to bathe n changed into sch u.. 1st time bathing in such weired place..
took one more family photo b4 we left.. initially wanted a photo of us in sch uniforms, bt jh didnt hav his.. hai..
then we set out to our schs.. jh went to meet his fren n we set on diff paths.. so we separated in front of queensway shopping centre..
3 of us took e same bus.. didnt talk much on bus.. i took a quick nap i think.. then was e long way walk into sch again.. bt sadly to say, its e last time we r going to sch in our sch u.. its really e last time.. fortunately ive got hm with me.. i cant imagine how cy n jh go to sch.. alone..
then was e usual principal talk for e last time.. then my mind thought of mr yue.. rmb him talking to sec 4 graduates when i was sec 4.. again, i still couldnt quite sure tt i really graduated.. as im not sure how to part with e sch..
anyway same old day as previous yrs.. nth changes, even when im 18 tis yr..

hai~

many things happened these 2 days.. felt many kinds feelings, n its complicated.. though after ytd, washing my pillow with tears, i felt much better, really..
few things i v sad abt.. one of cos is disappointment of os results.. jus disappointed i guess.. n i thought u promised... yet im left alone.. i noe e reasons, of cos.. yet i jus cant.. cy was rite.. tts exactly how i felt..
i feel im no longer myself.. its not me now.. hes controlling everything out of me.. influencing me with anything n everything.. i really didnt want to.. was everything to b a mistake from e start? if i would hav known tis, trust me, i wouldnt do wat i hav done..
only thing tt i don understand is tt, y is everybody still saying tis.. isnt it obvious enough now? so hu is wat now? i don really get tis.. hasnt tis b obvious enough?
of cos i noe wat i should do, bt if its been so easy, i wouldnt be here till such a state, such an extent.. tts how it was..

if tts ur aim, u hav achieved..
thanks for telling me..

......

ponned lecture again.. tis one not on purpose de.. anyway, thought for v long b4 i came tpj today.. thought for whether should i come today not.. i came.. now i wan to say, i shouldnt hav wasted e time to come.. same old thing happening here everyday.. nth changes.. absolutely.. really missed os times.. though piles n piles of things r needed to b done, at least i led human life.. now i am a body walking without life..
talked to cy whole nite ytd.. bet he must b falling asleep at work.. sorry ar cy.. talked abt a lot of things, perpectives, ppl n some nonsensical things.. had a v gd idea while we chat.. 3 of them should jus crash my sch so tt we can hav a try of how is it like for e 4 of us to b in e same sch..
feel like ponning ... today.. yet i saw a lot of seniors.. i really mean a lot.. such early in e morning, i hav seen e chair, vice chair, secretary, my grp leader n other grp leader, abt 6 to 7 ppl.. n they all noe me, i dunno y.. n amazingly all said hi to me.. anyway still ponning.. feel like going home now, however sch quite clever la, put gp last period, when gp tutor will confirm my attendance today..

actually theres sth else i wan to say, bout my feelings, my thoughts.. however, im becoming more n more stupid as emotions n everything by him is seriously obstructing my thinking.. i dunno how to relieve tis.. anyway, sometimes by escaping e reality can relieve myself.. though e problem will not b solved, it cant b solved even if i face it.. i don seem to find e solution no matter how hard i think.. of cos i noe wat i should do.. yet it does not solve e problem.. as if it can b solved so easily, it wont b called a problem, isnt it?
anyway, last 5 days to release of results, well, if it is confirmed.. i dunno wat ill do when i get e result slip.. seen too many kinds of reactions last yr, i dunno wat will mine b..
reasons i doubted when coming to sch.. everything i do here will b useless n meaningless if im going poly.. y waste time now.. i dunno wat i wan to say, i was jus typing watever i thought of.. cos theres really heavy jam in my flow of thought.. time to sleep.. 1 n half hr to my next tutorial.. i shall c if i felt like going..