r u happy..?

sorry to ... .. n, happy birthday.. im really sorry..
sorry to yy..
sorry to hm..

was sorry abt wat happened on thurs.. i noe how u felt.. really.. i was at fault.. bt i didnt mean it..
was looking at e photos of grace, u, van.. suddenly had a thought.. do u feel happy being with me..?
i think van was happy being with her.. i think she thinks that she had chosen e right side.. at least she seemed happy..
u were not happy those few wks.. ever since it happened.. although i don really noe wat had happened.. i haven seen u laughing as freely as b4 for those days.. i think i should noe e reason.. bt im afraid its not wat i thought.. its not so simple..
well, wat i wanted to say is.. if u think u have chosen e wrong side, which i think u had.. its time for u to change side.. if u say i had posed u in a difficult position, i wan to say i don wan to care for someone hus not worth it.. if u say is cos of me u cant go back to wat u wan to chose, cos u have chosen wat u have chosen.. then wat can i say.. how sad.. watever u wan to do, is not going to affect me, i can walk alone.. i can for so many yrs.. i can now..
y r all tis happening.. hello, we r sec 4.. wat hav i done wrong that i hav to face n deal with all those immaturity every now n then.. i was at fault? of wat? for caring e wrong person? for being a busybody? do i hav to apologise for that? now then i noe.. how stupid..
i really felt that u wan to go n sit with van.. back to e life u used to hav with them.. im fine.. im not stopping u anyway.. anytime u like.. really..
well, if e fault still lies with me.. jus forget that i existed.. alrite, im sorry for my existence ok.. sorry for u having to bear with it.. anyway, its only half a yr left..
ive nv wanted things to become like tis.. i swear.. y is life so difficult.. mayb e life of only me n dj is better.. only e two of us.. being anti-social.. no quarrels, no backstabbing, no choosing of sides.. only u n me..
do i hav to change anything of myself? ya, mayb.. don care so much for e anything not worth it.. change my focus to syf, studies, n most imptly in student correspondent.. i started doubting on e extent that one should care for a fren..
wat i can do so that u would forgive me? i really don wan u to b angry.. for we had went through so many things together.. i missed e time when we chatted in class.. bt i noe i cant stop u in doing anything.. including e sides u wan to chose..
though i still regrets on wat had happened on thurs morning.. im really sorry, i would do anything u wan to compensate u if u wish.. bt thats really how i felt.. anyway.. am i right..? answer me..
could somebody jus lend me a shoulder..? jus for a while..