realising

its time to reflect, and time to make a change, that i seemed to be conentrating attention and thoughts on me, myself, going on the extreme ends, thinking what could happen on me only, without giving any tinge of consideration for any others. seeing him like myself, there will be one day when everyone around me dies without me realising anything. how sad. everything is i me mine myself. seriously its time to wake up, time to look around, and time to make use of the heart instead of just eyes and mouth. im truly sorry.

stucked. relying.

erm today is 23rd. farewell ended on 13th. wat hav i been doing? wat hav u been doing?!
after all, not supposed to b in holiday mood yet. is it tt difficult to hand in jus 1500? can u stop dreaming?!
hai.
so enjoying in e fools paradise.

one day ure stuck here, ull b stuck forever! move on my dear..
of cos i noe~

ya ya ya u think u noe everything?!

sleeping time, 6am to 3 pm, or 8am to 5pm. wow, jus like office hour.
shiok.
n useless.


anyway.
realised e power of drama!
ding ding.
jus look at princess hour. jus look at fahrenheit.

so, new ambition!
media producer or production line. set.

set? with ur seeking-temporary-peace attitude?! come on la..

seems like a split personality conversation huh.
don b silly.

jus like e previous post.
today is fri. n finally, its sat.
finally.

lazed

gd morning :)

went back to chung cheng ytd. doing research on cch building. bt didnt find anything in e end.
took note of little things during e walk into e sch. erm. kinda missed tt kind of self-regarding-stressed life.
seems like it can only b understood when it becomes past. so mayb ill b considering now as self-regarding-stressed life, when im working. bt, im really damn pissed with my life now. cos as i said, with so many commitments, want to do everything n anything.
n tis is e result.

i received a dismissal letter. n im damn pissed by it now.
i was officially dismissed. by psp. nv state reasons. wat e. though i should b happy tt i hav one less commitment now. bt it is sth i cared n gained.
damn.

tt was one thing. im really pissed.

was watching tokyo juliet. initially was a bit turned off by its socially characterised plot. bt was amazed by e stack n dramatic irony tt was portrayed. so continued to watch, n i find it was not tt bad.
n it kind of inspired me a bit. by their dressings. seen a lot of apparel design stuff. kind of given me e feel of wanting to wear nicer, instead of jus t shirts.
bt anyway, thoughts r oso always easier than deed. so we shall c. haha.

a bit lazed after e submission of media writing.
2 more assignments, n ure done with tis semester! n then u can really plan n do sth in tis 2 mths! 2 whole mth!
i noe. bt i jus don feel e mood to do e assignments. cos culture assignment again, n creative writing.

time for planner. then will start.

though e gloom is still circling ard me. bt today is fri. n finally, its sat!
finally.
hav a nice day :)

silent.

am i really being too tired then i say things tt i shouldnt hav, or r they jus wat ive being wanting to say. seems like e execution of langauge is far more powerful than anything. realising it after a long time, is it unforgivable. now then realised how unthoughtful n childish i ve been.

ya. seemed forever pissed off.
n don seem to care for anything.

silence is golden? ya seems like.
then ive got nth to say from today onwards.

i need money!

omg. my dec pay has been used up. after spending 90 plus at orchard tt day.
desperately in need of money now. bt i guess e rh job is gone. hai.
ill need 30 over for malaysia visa. 100 for kl trip in march, 120 for maxin exchange, 100 over for keyboard lessons each mth. as well as for dental n com accessories (usb wire). n if e beijing trip shall b confirmed, then ill need at least 750 in aug. all excluding shopping budgets.
so ill need to keep at least 1200 over now, excluding all e shopping n uncalculable budgets. n e sch fees r to b in again in april, which is 1000 plus. actually i wont b so poor if i hav taken up a proper job after os. i ve got half a yr which i could hav earned 6000 plus. or mayb all these wouldnt b a prob if ive signed up e teaching bursary, which entitles me sch fees n 1000 plus a mth.
however, in order to pursue dreams in e future, it is to b more tough now. hai.

anybody noes how much time do u hav to spend for 2 tuition job? yes ill need to take up 2 kids, so tt i can really fulfil my dreams. cos with lesser n lesser commitments in ark i don think ill survive.
its really contradicting sometimes, when i wan to hav so many commitments, yet wan to work for more money, not wanting to sign up for e bursary, for some unknown future dream, need to maintain gd results at e same time wan to hav more sleeps. wan to learn keyboard n jap, for they r things tt ive longed to learn. bt they all need money n time. with sph, chs, korean nsig, psp (though neglecting for long..),ark etc, where do i get so much time. now hms is adding in.
cos ive started late, so i cant afford to lose anymore time n opportunities.

met joy on e bus ytd while on my way to sch. ya long time no c. she updated me a lot on sec sch frens. quite a lot of ppl drop out or withdraw from jc. then i thought, mayb it is bless tt ive chosen poly, if not ill b kicked out of jc for not being able to pass promo. then it ll b another one yr wasted. n i wont hav done so many interesting things last yr.

moved slightly on fri of whether should i apply for mass comm thru jpsae like wat ive thought last yr. cos i went 9 floor n saw e studios n e theatres used only by fms students. these r e professionalism tt ive longed for. n chs ppl wont b able use tis kind of facilities. bt i noe myself tt i wont survive in tt kind of environment. i belong to e chinese side. ya so b it. so i gav up e idea n moved back to my hms.

during e sem break i shall improve on my chinese, english, japanese, german n keyboard, b4 its too late.

really cant believe my 300 over pay jus gone like tt. argh.

it ll b 2 wks after each time. bt fortunately, now i noe where he is.

should i or should i not..?

was doing e jap hw.
then i start to consider again, should i continue?
y not, since uve dreamed to learn it, since uve spent e money, n its not cheap. bt it is easy only when u study everywk consistently. like how i used to study english. yet, at such an age ive been too lazy to start a language. y not u giv it up tis sem, spend e other 2 mths at home get more readings n more vocab, instead using e precious time tt could b used for final projects on jap which was accumilated over a sem, n u will not get AD again.
contradicts again, u nv touched jap during e 2 wks holiday. wat makes u think tt ull start again in feb.
think abt wat happened to german in sec 2. ponned too many times tt u couldn catch up? furthermore it was complimentary.
AHHHHHH!~~~~
i dunno la. really dunno. jus like i dunno whether should i sign e teaching bursary.
yes, i decided not to sign, so tt i no need to do wat i would not wan after i graduate.
bt tt means ill need to find a tuition job, starting feb.

so tis is e list of things tt ill need n ll b doing in feb-april. 排名不分先後.

1) continue to work in ark ;)
2) RESUME keyboard lesson
3) find a tuition kid, or mayb 2.
4) spend time in NLB for MORE readings.
5) revise jap, n get ready for e nx sem.
6) hopefully to get e sph xinmin job in march
7) really plan sth for tianying.
8) tianying march huixun! (felt like fainting suddenly..)
9) diary

i dont think im looking for those long time part time job like shop tender anymore. its not worth e time for a few bucks per hr. though ill still consider rh in aug. ark plus tuition plus sph, hoped tt i earns at least 500 per mth!! to cover up wat ill not gain from e teaching bursary, n of cos, wat ive lost for not being able to complete bj102 :'(
so, i guess im giving it up tis sem. yup. which is very sad.

btw. discussed abt e pragrammes for cny on wed. 2nd time im doing tis cny celebration. i think its going to b a quite interesting one tis yr. cos e programmes really seems entertaining to me. so jiayou to us. to produce an interesting cny celebration while rushing thru e final projects.
though i tis term is a bit less stressed than last term. only dragged n postponed workload tt is troubling me. sigh. n compared to last sem, tis sem seems slacker. plus, no exams for tis sem! horray!

its been 2 wks.

its new yr!

had 7-pat coffee when working at ark jus now. felt so disgusted after e coffee tt i made my self cup of limade. mayb should try tea instead of coffee nx time. btw, stingray rice was not bad. bt not very~ nice oso.

seems like ive stopped blogging since poly. y? ive got a laptop n wireless net in np. n yet.
browsed thru my entries blogged when i was in cch. everyday is sch, commitments r my ccas n sph. aim is to finish as many hw as poss, having fun abt smuggling food into our mouth without teacher knowing. thanks tt theres blog. reminds me of e times n memories i had.
should continue to blog at least a bit everyday. if not tt period of life seemed to b lost somewhere.

has life get more complex since i graduate? i wasnt e same old me. 2006 was really a great change.
1stly, ive changed my 4 yrs plan of getting into a jc, most prefered tjc, to my most detested poly. cos after my 1st 3 mths in jc, ive decided tts not e kind of life ive wanted. though ill start to ponder whether hav i made e rite chioce, everytime i c jc students in uniform.
bt, now i wan to say, im really glad tt ive chosen poly, n chosen chs. for my life is really filled with a lot of meaningful contents. well, i oso started to think wat do i really wanted to b in e future. wat kind of work should i get after i graduate? sph? hoped not, if not im afraid ill b on e blacklist of late gao everytime. anyway, bcos of poly life chosen, ive got many working experiences, with sph xinmin, with pp breadtalk, with rh, n most imptly, with ark, where i met great ppl n buddies, seen many faces of life n wat society is like. it is a strange place which taught me a lot of things n giv me a lot of gains. if im in jc now, i wont get to noe so many wonderful ppl, mayb ill hav a good gang of mates in jc, bt most prob ill b kicked out by now, for not being able to pass promo. haha. hu noes. many impt decisions got to b made. n theres definitely gains n losses.

2nd great change, is sth which is v horrible, tt ive changed my commitment from txy to ark. from txy, which i can even giv up my olvl studying time to commit, to somewhere tt no loyalty is required, e ark. i don deny tt its becos of ..., bt sth more horrible is tt im now e leader of ty. hai. they say, i need to find wat i used to feel when i go sph, b4 i can really do well for my grp.looking at wat ive blogged, i seemed to not getting anything ive wanted, not in any comm. i guess its really rite tt, u only understand when time past. i then noe y i was at such a state when i was in cch. isnt it much better now?

seems like im gd at finding myself bored once in a while. there was once in 06, i think its nov, im totally sick im my life, for doing exactly e same thing everyday, boarding e same bus, same train, everyday, doing e same thing during lesson, doing e same thing after sch, even e same bus same time after work. i was even sick of eating, n even ark. yes i was sick of ark. after working consequently for 4 days a wk for nearly 2 mths. i noe i was a bit selfish cos flora has been working like tt long time ago. bt, i jus felt sick of e place. now it became ok. im not so sick of life after sleeping thruout e 2 wks break. haha. n after e many outings with ark ppl, im back to life again. though i really dunno, how long more im going to stay, if flo n fp really left.

so time flies, its again another yr. had my xmas n new yr countdown with ppl tt i most treasured n wanted to spend time with, at ark, working with my dear colleagues. things really changed. cos last yr i spent my time with txys. bt i thought, last xmas i gav u my heart, yet e nx day u gav it away, so tis xmas, im going to giv it to someone special, as e song sang =)
it was a really different experience countdown at ark. though not many ppl stayed for countdown, it was a fun nite. thanks to e MONsters, n fun ppl like my colleagues. im glad tt ive choose to work at such a warm place. jh came down oso, choose to spent countdown at ark, for which i think, mayb he still couldnt leave ark jus like tt, mayb its bcos of ppl on stage, mayb its jus bcos of its ark, i dunno.
after countdown, die oso must watch de death note 2 nv watch. so we walked to chinatown to hav supper. chased by e irritating guy at e coffe shop, we set home at 3 sth. they went to take cab, i went to catch nr7. its e 1st time i c so many ppl on e street, at such a time of 4am. so, NRs passed by one by one, each one fulled of ppl. they couldnt catch a cab anywhere, ya, so we met again. when its nearly 5, we decided to jus board e 1st bus. n when poor ppl hav to sit on e road n wait, im really thankful n fortunate we could go back to ark, where there were comfortable sofas for us to take a nap 1st. had my 1st icecream of 07 from jh =) thanks a lot. its oso e 1st time im at ark at such an early hr. went home at 6 sth. 1st time i c e 1st bus is full of ppl, sleeping, haha.

1st one to shake my hand, jh.
1st one ive hugged, hm.
1st dang ive listened, MONsters.
1st bus i took, 12.

though its a bit late, bt, goodbye to 2006 =) i think its e 1st time, tt im really thinking of some new yr resolutions, haha. thanks to them.

1) ive quietly promised myself, try my very very best not to b late in any form. not in meetings, not for work, not for assignments, projects, email msgs. im trying.
2) i really hoped, at least not a lonely life b4 e end of my last teenage life. at least not a lonely xmas tis yr.
3) no more unfruitful holidays. hoped to get more readings at nlb. so tt i wont feel so drained when doing narrative projects.
4) i noe ive been quite a irresponsible person. ill try very very hard not to break promises, once ive made them. im really trying.
5) start resuming my keyboard lessons!

quite greedy huh.
made it on time for 1st assignment tis yr, e tea project =) n im even making it early for classed! haha.

its new yr! so jiayou! jiayou studying, working, for tianying, for chs, for korean club, for me, for them!
i wonder wat changes there ll b at e end of tis yr. hoped not a lot.


if u, could c, wat i c, r u e answer to my prayer.
不論多久沒見，你都不會想我嗎..? :)